I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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