singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
