I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
