I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
