I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
