Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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