The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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