Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
