people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
