I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You pole danced in your parka.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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