look no pants
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize