3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
