i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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