Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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