I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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