She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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