If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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