Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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