my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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