fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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