I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we made out on top of his cat.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize