He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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