Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
