I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
