i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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