well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
