The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
