he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
