we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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