Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
