Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
why is half of my head shaved?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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