apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
