Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
