The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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