a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
