I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
