So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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