i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Boobs speak an international language.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
