ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
