She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
