her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
