maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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