I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have fence marks all over my body
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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