Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
