hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
