I accidentally had phone sex last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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