we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
