Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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