How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
