im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
