I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
how does that bad decision feel?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
