Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
