I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize