After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
