you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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