do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
