based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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