enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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