people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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