I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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