im holly from the hills drunk
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
