these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
