you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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