Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
