he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
