No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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