Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
