I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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