So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize