I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
