Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
