census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
