I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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